clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
