I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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