He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
