Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
