Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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