I'm eating all of the evidence.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
