Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
