Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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