Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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