it wasn't lemon gatorade
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
