I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
