He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it because I queefed?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
