its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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