Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
