Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
