this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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