Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
