so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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