My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
