I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
