Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
