I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
