You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
