As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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