omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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