Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
