Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
