Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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