Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
