apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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