please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
