i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
