Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
