that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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