I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
