I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
