Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
