This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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