theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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