1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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