i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
