I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
