This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i drank out of a bidet.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize