Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
