p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
