Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
