I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
