Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
