glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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