Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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