idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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