a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
