I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
