She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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