i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
