I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
