Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
