What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
