Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
