Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
