last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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