i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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