i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
