I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
