the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
