I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
