I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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