census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
