At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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