Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I want a musical about memes.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
