i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
