Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
