frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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