Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
