You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
