in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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