I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
